Ein HungerTechniker

Sep 06 2017 Published by under Uncategorized

In my teen years, I read a YA novel whose protagonist embarked upon a crash “steak and water diet” to lose weight for an upcoming rendezvous with a dreamy pen pal. One day nothing but steak, the next day nothing but water. Not satisfied with her progress, she upped the ante to one day steak, two days water. She did lose weight, but also became frantic, dizzy, and emotionally volatile, and developed a sallow complexion. And the dreamy pen pal turned out to be a jerk. (Later she adopts more normal eating habits and a healthier relationship with food, and gains more self-respect.)

In our modern world, this crazee teen girl diet-to-get-a-guy behavior is now called “biohacking” by wealthy Silicon Valley techdudes who insist that fasting is manly and techno and productive. There is euphoria! There is energy! There is weight loss! N.B.: weight loss is not dieting. Energy is not dizziness. Euphoria is not emotional volatility.

I used to donate money to my local food bank but now I am going to forward this article to them and suggest that they share with their patrons the Good News that what they thought was hunger is in fact On Trend! They are biohacking! If your young child complains about going to bed without dinner, tell him or her that brave Silicon Valley CEOs are voluntarily going SEVEN DAYS with only water, coffee, and black tea as sustenance! To be sure, they are breaking their fast (get it? break-fast? So THAT’s where that word comes from, lol!) only at upscale sushi restaurants, and your child should be sure to do the same. Don’t let your child put anything boring in its mouth anymore. If your child wants a bagel, take it to NYC for a bagel. Bagels in San Francisco just suck. Ramen? Off you go to Tokyo!

In fact, you may think, why not make a business out of your hunger? You have biohacking expertise galore! Some of these CEOs have been “inundated with requests from people seeking advice…on how to get started.” Lord knows the poor CEOs are busy enough already making the world better through technology and biohacking their own bodies; do they have time to instruct their fellow men in the art of not eating?  No doubt their noble natures would compel them to make time to share the Good News but “no one makes money when people don’t eat.”

There are, however, plenty of people who want to be seen not eating. In this America becoming great again of ours, the techno elites have discovered true hunger artistry, as it were, and as they succeed, they are brought only the food they like to eat, when they want to eat it. The rest of us can only gaze at the spectacle in astonishment.

2 responses so far

  • Pat Brown says:

    The first thing that came to mind when I read this (and after I read the linked article) were those now famous (infamous?) words from Treasury Secretary Mnuchin's wife: "how adorably out of touch they are". So now in Silicon Valley, it is not enough to work 100 hours/week until you are ready to jump out of a window; you have to give up eating in order to get ahead. Because, of course, we need that next iPhone NOW! Fasting has been around since ancient times; there's Jesus' proverbial 40 days in the desert. But when he returned he didn't call up the Jerusalem Times and expound on how it was going to help him get ahead in the world. In fact, he said, when you fast, do not be like the hypocrites who let everyone know they are fasting. Fasting is/can be sacred. These people have stripped all that from it. This has to be the epitome of some twisted arrogance and pride - "I'm so rich that I can afford not to eat. And then brag about it." What an insult to those that go hungry every day. At the very least, maybe they could send all that money they're saving from the fancy dinners they pass up to a food bank.

    • Zuska says:

      I had not thought about the sacred aspects of fasting - it just makes the whole CEO "look at me not eating anything! except the finest expensive food!" thing even more profane.