Things That Keep Me From Blogging

Disorganization. Procrastination. Endless estate paperwork and ensuing depression.

Trips back to western PA to empty out the house, and ensuing depression. Knowing the house is finally empty, putting it on the market, selling it two days later, and ensuing depression.

Sunday evening making a cake while dreaming about renovating my ugly kitchen when suddenly the power goes out because the electric panel died, 24 hours before a planned trip so hello emergency electrician, goodbye 10% reno budget...and cue ensuing depression. While a supposed-to-be vacation week is suddenly and terrifyingly made a visit-to-the-hospital week, returning home with worry worry worry on the mind, and ensuing depression.

A garden that was the source of pleasure and rejuvenation now overrun with weeds, baked dry as a bone, plants dying or suffering powdery mildew - in just one week! - looking like an eyesore and a hopeless chore, and ensuing depression.

Some hours on the phone for a $$$ doctor's bill the insurance won't pay, for the same test they paid for a month prior, submitted with an incorrect procedure code, impossible! for the aggressive billing office to deal with in any way, and ensuing depression.

No thing is unbearable, but everything is. No thing is impossible to deal with, but everything is difficult and draining and filled with despair.

No thing keeps me from blogging, but everything does.

7 responses so far

  • Sciwo says:

    Oh Z, so many hugs.

  • stickypaws says:

    Well said.

    I'm on board with the "ensuing depression". I try to beat it back with a stick, so to speak, with varying degrees of success. That and the squeezing headache.

    I'm so glad you're still writing here.

  • Busy says:

    Sounds like you are going through some trying times. Speaking from recent personal experience, I know the feeling, and wish you the best.

    Are you moving a great distance or just relocating within PA?

  • Scicurious says:

    So sorry Z. Thinking of you.

  • becca says:

    *hugs and hugs*

    Depression and grief get so intertwined it's hard to process. The collective weight of these things is heavy no matter how you measure it. Be good to yourself. Eat all the berries. One day at a time, the ability to see over the horizon will return. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.
    *more hugs*

  • Cara says:

    If I start a blog I will call it "...And Ensuing Depression". Giving you full credit, of course.

    Just keep breathing. Some days that's as good as it gets.

  • Zuska says:

    Thank you so much for commenting here. I kinda wrote this not expecting it to be read much, but for myself to get these things out of my head. It is a major bonus to know it was read, and to hear some kind words.

    Not moving, Busy, but making visits to elderly family members who live quite some distance from us. They don't live alone, and are extremely well cared for, but that doesn't stop the worry when things go wrong for them.

    Cara, I am sure that would be a hilarious and fierce and insightful and helpful blog!